Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts

Sunday, July 20, 2008

love languages

hmm i guess i always knew this :) but doesnt mean all of u dun need to buy gifts for me!! hah



I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time: 11
Physical Touch: 9
Acts of Service: 5
Words of Affirmation: 5
Receiving Gifts: 0

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Friday, July 11, 2008

mike raiter on retirement

mike raiter spoke yesterday about typical thoughts on retiring early
is that productive for God?

then this morning.. i read this devotion:

We are all capable of being spiritually lazy saints. We want to stay off the rough roads of life, and our primary objective is to secure a peaceful retreat from the world. The ideas put forth in these verses from Hebrews 10 are those of stirring up one another and of keeping ourselves together. Both of these require initiative— our willingness to take the first step toward Christ-realization, not the initiative toward self-realization. To live a distant, withdrawn, and secluded life is diametrically opposed to spirituality as Jesus Christ taught it.

The real danger in spiritual laziness is that we do not want to be stirred up— all we want to hear about is a spiritual retirement from the world.Yet Jesus Christ never encourages the idea of retirement— He says, "Go and tell My brethren . . ."

Yes Lord, i get ur point - time to rethink my retirement plans :P

Saturday, July 05, 2008

half a year on.. giving thanks :)

Im pretty sure the last 6 months have perhaps been the most intensive and yet fulfilling half year. I always do a pit stop in the middle of the year – have I taken the time to truly do what I want?

For the 1st time this year, despite being extremely busy, exhausted yet high adrenaline rushing, I think I have! Thank God, and it’s largely due to having a clear mission statement and OGSM (for the non-proctorized – objectives, goals, strategies, measures) in all the key areas in my life (spiritual, physical, social/emotional etc).

[Side point - now I truly believe that in setting goals, specifics are very important so I should say “I want to lose 20kg” instead of “I will go to the gym regularly”. [Btw, I did lose 20kg but put on 1kg in the past 2 weeks as I have been a slob, but rest when one is sick and cheat days are impt so it’s ok]. Because how often is ‘regularly’? How does one track success? Has to be specific and measurable!]

I think my walk with God has stabilized and matured because He allowed me to serve in BASIC. There was a part of me that felt that I had something to give when I started serving in youth, but in the end, I really realized I was merely God’s vessel, and it was a privilege to go through some experiences with the youth. Not because I’m better, but because I have been through similar experiences. Also, God grew me through the whole experience. He gave me more time and energy somehow to serve despite all that crazy amount of work. So yes, all glory to Him

For work, it has been very fulfilling. Looking back, I don’t know how I would have done it without His sustenance. But I have learnt a lot from this new portfolio – both soft and hard skills. Also, with new member on the team, still learning to let go and lead. Not easy days, and harder days always seem to lie ahead, but it’s been good. Hopefully, I can now get more sleep, lose less hair, not grow anymore white hair and actually feel like a normal person – not so high-strung all the time. Yes, especially since I see my 7 month old ‘baby’ on the shelves now :P

Family and friends-wise, I always feel I can do better, but I think I still kept my balance this semester. Met up regularly with the folks who really mattered to me and made 2 new close guy frens who both live around the novena area for some reason. Convenience. Hah! I think I saw my co-workers more often than I saw my family+dog for these 6 months. But yea, still in touch with people – what really matters to God and me :)

Of course it wasn’t ALL good ALL the time. Derek's sudden sickness (but he's well now yay!), Cheryl’s and John’s passing away in the same week was tough emotionally. Yet, both of them were sure where they were headed, so that helped. Had some hard times when relationships take a blow because of formal stuff, or I feel wronged/maligned with intentions taken wrongly.

So yes, very condensed half a year.
I can actually feel the tiredness set in as I fell sick and told myself to slow down and pace better.


Many thanks to all who spent good times with me,
And also those who prayed for me/there for me/checked on me when I was down/moody/talking rubbish bcos too tired
Especially the elect few [yes be honoured :P] who get smses from me at 3-5am in the morning, depending on whether I haven’t slept or woke up from brain overwork…

Thanks sincerely =)
Looking ahead, the best is yet to be………!!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

june journey

it hasnt been the easiest of times

spiritually recovery is always amazing though
what's like to wake up, and be reminded by the HS to submit my entire day, thoughts, actions to him
the liberation because He guides the day

to humbly learn that even the ability to be obedient comes from Him
that me and pride thought that i could fend my thoughts and heart
paid the price for that, but i know God can make good out of my mistakes :)
lots of old fears and insecurities thrown up
but i know that He is made strong in my weaknesses :)

challenging @ workplace
organizational changes, fiscal year closing, ACCRUALS!, new unwritten responsibilities
but thank God i really found something that energizes me and that's people! :)

but thank God for the relatively good social life this month
(and all the choc, desserts, profiteroles and cheese and pizzaS :P)
remaining connected to pple from the past helps keep me rooted
and thanks aaron for what u said over ur birthday dinner; makes me realize its truly the quality of the friendship that's impt :)

looking forward to kha with ly and bd tonight :)

cheryl, u r still missed...

-----------------------

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
And the voice of truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are

Saturday, June 07, 2008

thought of the day

Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do,

it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

timely word for my struggles

June 3, 2008
"The Secret of the Lord"

The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him . . .
—Psalm 25:14
What is the sign of a friend? Is it that he tells you his secret sorrows? No, it is that he tells you his secret joys. Many people will confide their secret sorrows to you, but the final mark of intimacy is when they share their secret joys with you. Have we ever let God tell us any of His joys? Or are we continually telling God our secrets, leaving Him no time to talk to us? At the beginning of our Christian life we are full of requests to God. But then we find that God wants to get us into an intimate relationship with Himself— to get us in touch with His purposes. Are we so intimately united to Jesus Christ’s idea of prayer— "Your will be done" ( Matthew 6:10 )— that we catch the secrets of God? What makes God so dear to us is not so much His big blessings to us, but the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us— He knows every detail of each of our individual lives.

"Him shall He teach in the way He chooses" ( Psalm 25:12 ). At first, we want the awareness of being guided by God. But then as we grow spiritually, we live so fully aware of God that we do not even need to ask what His will is, because the thought of choosing another way will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified, God guides us by our everyday choices.
And if we are about to choose what He does not want, He will give us a sense of doubt or restraint, which we must heed. Whenever there is doubt, stop at once. Never try to reason it out, saying, "I wonder why I shouldn’t do this?"
God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense. And when we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, "Now, Lord, what is Your will?"

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

A Tribute to one of my best friends..

Hi dear,

I am sorry, been wanting to do this photo compilation for you for such a long time, but i procrastinated too long.
But i know you can still read this now in heaven..

Thank you for 10 years of friendship.
Thank you for showing me a glimpse of what being a real loving sister in Christ is like - you have been with me since i started walking with God, and i hope to see you at the end.

Thank you for being with me through the downest moments of my life.
Thank you for always celebrating my birthdays with me.
Thanks for always obliging my photo taking.

Thank you for just listening to me, for bouncing off the thoughts and for the great thoughts and reflections you always had.
Thank you for the many hugs, gifts, love and laughter you brought to my life.
Thank you for using our pic as your profile pic on friendster - i never got to tell u it meant a lot to me.

Thank you for putting up such a strong fight even towards the end.
Thank you for not wanting to meet up; u knew i was upset looking at you so sick.

Thank you for being you.
I will always hold dear the memories we had together...

2 different wakes in 2 days

Bye Bye
"This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby,
your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'cause we will never say bye
As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk thinks
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show
becauseYou loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face
[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye
And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever
[Chorus]
(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])Bye bye

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

forgiveness - food for thought

When you forgive someone, you slice away the wrong from the person who did it. You disengage that person from his hurtful act. You recreate him. At one moment you identify him inerradicably as the person who did you wrong. The next moment you change that identity. He is remade in your memory.

You think of him now not as the person who hurt you, but as a person who needs you. You feel him now not as the person who alienated you, but as the person who belongs to you. Once you branded him as a person powerful in evil, but now you see him as a person weak in his needs. You recreated your past by recreating the person whose wrong made your past painful.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

thankful :)

i woke up at 5am again today.
but it wasn't an irritated type of waking up.
maybe cos for the 3 days, i actually managed to sneak a nap mid day.. so im happY :)

when 2007 ended, honestly, i thought life couldnt get any better
but these last almost 4 months have really been quite a blast!

of cos its been challenging
i have never worked so hard in school. ever.
not even in college, cos it was impossible to have 80+ contact hrs in one week ;P

but really thank God for new perspectives,
for being able to be thankful,
for being able to smile in difficult times
for being able to see people above business/situations
for being able to get a glimpse of loving without expecting return

and more imptly, to be able to love myself as God's creation
i have struggled with this all my life
not tt it's perfect now.. but i really am thankful for just who i am
and comfortable being just me.
i have my shortcomings, but i like to deal with them and do the best i can.

and also, to be able to love the now
im a very fwd looking person
so all my life, i worry forward
and cannot enjoy the now...

but for now, really, there's no better time than now
because it's only pocket of time i can influence :)




PS: alvin bro... looking forward to mambo on wED :P

Friday, April 25, 2008

not giving up

i always heard alot bout lance armstrong, but im glad i finally read through a book about him.


yes, im supposed to be vegging out..
and actually my reading speed is much slower than normal,
but i still cudnt help finishing the book!!

of cos besides the usual sticking on and not giving up,
i think its also impt for us to know what to let go off
for instance, he also stopped swimming etc when he was young
so we shudnt be indiscriminately stubborn on things we SHOULD give up on

and i think i need alot of wisdom from God always
to be able to tell that difference :)

thank God for such a great week,
even though honestly, some parts of it were becoming painful
and a test of my own limits :)

“Pain is temporary.
It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year,
but eventually it will subside
and something else will take its place.
If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”


"During our lives we're faced with so many elements as well,
we experience so many setbacks,
and fight such a hand-to-hand battle with failure,
head down in the rain, just trying to stay upright and have a little hope.
The Tour isn't just a bike race,
it tests you mentally, physically, and even morally. "


“I'm sorry for you, ...
I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles.”

Monday, April 21, 2008

nice monday

thank God for one of the most productive and focused mondays i ever had.
think it's the complete rest of work over the weekend :)
i actually got out of office at 615pm, while the sun was still up
and managed to eat dinner w my parents
*amaZed*
almost forgot what that felt like.

and oh, bcos of wenjie, i went to read up on my MBTI personality traits
im ESFJ.. i think thats quite obviouS?
i think the traits are becoming stronger with age.. hmmmzz

oh and my phuket trip is confirmed! YAY :)
and my bishan park spa over may day too!

i wanna do SO many things... cable ski, blade, bake, redo portfolio shoot..
so little time..
----------
i tot this was funnily true!!
i HATE facing conflict..


An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight.
When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord.
The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right,
then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities,
countered by unswerving Values,
ad exhaustium, winner take all.

-----------------------------------------
hah YES!
i do think ill die from heart attack
*breathesssssssssssss*

ESFJ: The Control Freak

Champions of rule and tradition, defender of convention and order, the ESFJ values predictability, consistency, promptness, and continuity. This love of order, stability, and tradition most often manifests as a fanatical and almost compulsive control freakery, combined with an anal-retentive streak that is at once maddening and infuriating to those around them.

ESFJs are often friendly, outgoing, and generous, at least until you cross them. This generous nature, in combination with their obsessive need for control, makes them ideal for such jobs as Jedi master, senior bank teller, or middle management at a large chain department store. Most ESFJs die of heart attacks, at least the ones who aren't slain in a galactic power coup made possible by the rigid, dogmatic inflexibility and self-absorbed narcissism of their Jedi order.

RECREATION: ESFJs are fond of celebrating birthdays, bar mitzvahs, initiations into the grand order of the Golden Dawn, and other momentous occasions. They also take delight in creating elaborate schedules on their PDAs, memorizing the Periodic Table of Elements, and ripping off the heads of those who cross them before laying their eggs in the victim's neck, which hatch into larvae that devour the victim over a period of many years.

COMPATIBILITY: ESFJs are most compatible with ESTJs, who love and cherish the ESFJ's control freakery.

-------------------------

this is scarily accurate.. but how can there be only 16 types of pple in this world?

The Caregiver

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.

The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.

ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure.

ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. (Thank God!!) In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.

ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.

An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.

ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

energy management



"Energy is the essence of life. Every day you
decide how you're going to use it by knowing
what you want and what it takes to reach
that goal, and by maintaining focus."
- Oprah Winfrey


super in line with my attempt to be practising corporate athlete

even tho it comes from someone who is weight yoyo-ing :P

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

the journey of losing weight...

its been nice hearing feedback these few days, stuff like:
"u r going to disappear at this rate"
"wow ur tummy is gone!!"

i guess 18+kg in 3 months is quite a lot
but im really glad its done with combination of exercise and small constant meals
exercise base was 0, therefore any incremental is HUGE for my body yeah.
even my hairdresser said today tt i look healthier/glowy :)

and as i was telling my best pals, exercise routine has really been life changing for me - energy level, fitness, endurance, confidence and i even need less sleep!
i hope can maintain for a life time :)
really thank God for helping me perservere so far!

want to encourage those who struggle with weight issues too..
there is no shortcut!! even if we just not eat, our metabolism will only crash
sensible eating and exercise is only way to sustain for a life time :)

i never felt so alive and engaged before..
me probably the healthiest now in my whole 24+ years of life!
praise God!
help me use my energy to invest in eternitY!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

God-work-not mutually exclusive



“Unless you can make a connection between what you do all day and what you think God wants you to be doing, you will never find ultimate meaning in your work or your relationship with God.”
– Doug Sherman & William Hendriks

Besides being physically tired, I think last 2 months have been torturous for my mental/emotional well-being because I have been feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. (I am very susceptible to guilty, and it is also something I have come to learn to thank God for when it is in the right doses, because it reminds me to often come back to the narrow path.)

Main reason is because I feel that I have been working too hard and I have not internally sync-ed my daily work to God’s bigger purpose. Which is why I set aside some personal time with God tonight to do some reflections..

In last few months, when I invest many hours into work, it isn’t about perfecting the work or trying to please someone, it’s simply to finish the work. And I feel guilty because I no longer know if it is right to work such long hours at the expense of sleep, personal time and leisure time. At least I can say that it hasn’t been at the expense of ministry, CLOBS or church because I have made those things un-compromisable.

But still, I have never felt so out of control of my schedule.
Till recently, I have never been so tired.
Never slept for so little in such long stretches in a row.
Never been unable to sleep well for so many nights.
Never dreamt about filling up excel sheets.
Seriously never worked/focused so hard in my life because I usually got around being last minute.
I think the time I studied the hardest was for my ‘A’s, and if that was 70% effort, now is 95%.

And yet at the same time, I also feel very blessed.
I haven’t really been able to do regular QT, but I do pray in small spurts throughout the day, and I’m very conscious of the fact that He is the one sustaining me, every cell of my body, and reminding me of many things at work that I might have forgotten otherwise.
He is made strong in my weaknesses.
He has placed people at work to bless me and coach me and remind me of important things in life, both professionally and personally.

“Work is a consequence of creation, not the fall; the fall has aggravated the problems without destroying its joys.” – John R.W. Stott

I really thank God I still love the work and I do and enjoy it very much.
Because it is very easy to hate the work that makes me work long hours.
But somehow, because of many factors, I still enjoy it. So for that, very thankful. :)

So anyway, I really wanted to reflect and check on my own motives about work.
And also, it has dawned upon me that the skills I am learning at work are not incongruent with God’s principles.
And I tried to do some matching!


Even though I have sorted out the intentions, and more clear that the skills I am learning and practicing at work is congruent with God’s teachings, I don’t think the struggles of balancing work with other things in life will ever fully go away for me.
I am still a sinful person who will forget about the intentions, the love for others when the crunch comes.
But at least now I think my work purpose is more aligned with His purpose for me :)

For other workaholics who need a little a little rehab and perspectives like me :)
http://www.bible.org/page.php?page_id=528

Saturday, March 15, 2008

wow the week flew

wow think the week really flew.
i took this pic last friday at equinox and din have the time to find the cable to transfer it till now.
official dinner so it was nice :)



bali was simply great.
the saturday i reached there was the 1st night i slept so well since CNY. pretty bad huh i know... :(
weekend was great with elsa!
something about the sea and sunsets is very therapeutic.
must take a very jaded soul not to be touched.


meetings also great actually. learnt a lot.
both business and personal!
just stressful cos many next steps.



i think i really must take it easy.
need to pace myself.. will become a nervous wreck at this rate.
havent been sleeping/eating properly..
as the rabbit blog went..i think my lifes been like that for more than a month now..

"We believe strongly in work-life balance."
Work-life is balanced, i.e. work-life = 0, or work = life.
Simple Algebra, QED.

looking forward to going on leave.
start my break on good friday. yay!
planning last min holiday with pris now.
flying next sat then now havent even book :P

a very badly stitched picture cos of waves timing.. but beauty never changes :)

Sunday, March 09, 2008

bali bliss


:)

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

emo

i have always been kinda an emo person..
i used to cry more for selfish reasons - pride, anger, someone slighted me etc

but God gave me tears for someone im not really close to...but someone i was really looking to noeing better, to riding in his car..

i like the fact i am starting to care for pple in a deep, real manner...
but it also means i feel their pain and suffering deeply too...

grieve for those who grieve.. i think im starting to have a faint idea of that...

its so hard not to be selfish.
really makes me wonder why some pple can think they are all righteous? hmm..

Sunday, March 02, 2008

end week reflections

its really nice to be able to sit down quietly on a sunday night to think, reflect and blog.
my dads at work. again. *sigh* poor thing.
my mum and dog is sleeping.
the silence is so comforting to my ears cos all i haf had was hustle and bustle for too long perhaps :)

looking back, its only been about 20 days since after cny.
but i was working so intensely+long hrs these past 3 weeks, only when everything paused on friday night did i realize i might have been approaching some kinda burnout.

- the sleep depravity was just insane..
- nearly fell asleep behind the wheel *dangerous!!!* thats why im kinda afraid of driving..
- i grew 3 ulcers in 1 night :(
its amazing how God kept me from falling really ill.. so thank You!!

liyi stayed over last night.
and it was really nice catching up by the pool
even though i see her pretty often, i think its the 1st time in more than 2 months we spent time with just 2 of us.
i talked and shared bout a lot of stuff.. but one thing that struck me as i was sharing..

i think i have really changed a lot in the last yr plus. its for the better cos i think i have matured.
God has helped me become more secure about who i am, and the relationships i have with people.
of cos there are always still room to grow, but this alone is a significant breakthrough :)

God also been showing me some ugly things about myself.
everyone has their struggle.. so mine was guilt and selfishness.
sometimes i realized i have always been so gifted at positioning since young that actually i have wrong intentions towards others, but i can package it to others (and even myself.. yes it bypasses the conscious state) that what i did was good for them.
its kinda scary as God revealed some of these things, but im also glad, cos then i can be more conscious of my own intentions and be more loving.

*doing what i hate


"For I do not understand my own actions.
For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. "
Romans 7:15
when i was a younger Christian, at least i could say that some of the sins i struggled with are things that i coveted. like good grades for pride. at least these were ungodly things that i wanted.
but in recent times, its become exactly like the verse above.
i dun even understand, cos i hate some things im doing (like e.g what i said about.. being unreal about my intentions) and yet somehow i end up doing it.
sin is such a scary, strange thing.


*worry
Once we see Jesus, the impossible things He does in our lives become as natural as breathing.
(er, i lack faith to believe that this is even possible..
so i hope i can even see this in my imagination :P)
The agony we suffer is only the result of the deliberate shallowness of our own heart.
We won’t believe; we won’ t let go by severing the line that secures the boat to the shore—
we prefer to worry.

* waiting for God


Waiting for God is hard – God is not surprised when we’re honest about our frustrations and fears.
Often God requires us to wait because he’s trying to show us the end of our faith,
stretching our faith, not condemning us for the lack of it.
In these moments, seek God and not the answer.
---------------
and completely outta point, but these are some of the atas food places i wanna try :)
- Prive, Keppel Bay
- Indochine, Indochinese, Empress Place
- 1827, Thai, Asian Civilization Museum
- Pier 11 Restaurant (31 Marina Coastal Drive )

Saturday, February 16, 2008

sorry to all who had to hear me grumble this week

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing"-James 1:2-4

this verse strongly rebuked my attitude for this week.
actually, keep inside, i was thankful for many things.
but i still cudnt help bitching about the minute things that went wrong, bcos i felt used/overworked/tired/selfish.

sorry to the pple (mainly my loved ones including my colleagues) who had to put up with my krap..

and sorry to God.. i failed my trial terribly this week..